Wrong Sky

Have you ever felt as though you must be living under the wrong sky? The blue always seems a bit off and the clouds are never as bright as they should be? Everyone around you looks at that same sky and sees hope, beauty, and life. The sky for them seems to be just the color it should be. You feel confused and lost and no matter how hard you try or no matter what angle you view it from, shades or no shades, that same sky shows you none of that.  Well I have....

What started off as a mission seeking what I thought a "normal" family should be, slowly turned into days, weeks, months, years, a decade and then ultimately 16 yrs. under the wrong sky. A battle of sorts. A battle that was comprised of high walls built to protect me from me. Walls made of the faces of everyone who had ever hurt me. A wall covered in the mistakes I had made....all in bold large font. A wall so high that I was only able to see a small square of the sky above, and it was all wrong! 

For as far back as I can remember I always felt this deep connection to "something". I could never figure out what exactly this something was, but I did know it was inside me and I knew it meant I had a very important purpose. But at some point after endless abuses of "you are nothing" my spirit caved! It caved and decided that "that something" was not a purpose but rather a source for heartbreak and disappointment. I wanted to erase it. So I did.....within the wall I'd neatly built.

But then year 16 arrived and that is not only a new story, but its also chapter one in a new life!  To be continued....